


I Will Carry Your Burdens

by RagingBookDragon



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death(s), Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25210933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RagingBookDragon/pseuds/RagingBookDragon
Summary: His heart was heavy. There were no special words that could describe the bearing weight he carried other than heavy. And though he shared his heart with her, he couldn’t bring himself to lay his burdens at her feet, ask for her help, beg her forgiveness for all the times he’d left their bed in the middle of the night because he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing their faces. One by one they appeared before him, every man he’d killed, every woman, every friend. The only thing worse than seeing his mother and father,  his best friend, his mentor, was when she would join them.
Relationships: Ratonhnhaké:ton | Connor/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	I Will Carry Your Burdens

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself sad writing this lol. But, I hope you enjoy it! -Thorne

His heart was heavy. There were no special words that could describe the bearing weight he carried other than heavy. And though he shared his heart with her, he couldn’t bring himself to lay his burdens at her feet, ask for her help, beg her forgiveness for all the times he’d left their bed in the middle of the night because he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing their faces. One by one they appeared before him, every man he’d killed, every woman, every friend. The only thing worse than seeing his mother and father, his best friend, his mentor, was when _she_ would join them.

He’d claw his way through the dirt, yank the invisible chains that held him from her, voice pained, and throat screamed raw as he called for her, but her face never seemed to change in those dreams. The look of sorrow in her eyes as her lips pulled down, watching his suffering unravel before her. He loathed the way she stared at him, with all the pity she seemed to hold within. He didn’t want her pity. He wanted her help. Wanted her arms wrapped around him, cradling his head to her as he buried his face in her chest, trying to drown out the rest of the dreams. The rest of their faces. But she stood away from him, watching, waiting, never moving from her spot, face still set in its pitiful state. And when he finally realized she wasn’t going to move; the dread pushed the last pieces of his broken heart out of place. His knees would hit the ground as he lost the will to keep fighting, silent sobs ripping his chest apart as tears poured down his cheeks. He couldn’t keep doing this every night. He wasn’t built to carry all this pain. Wasn’t built to carry the weight of generations on his shoulders. He was crumbling. He was breaking. He was—

“ _Ratonhnhaké_ :ton!” His eyes snapped open and he sat up, sucking air into lungs as if he’d just breached the surface of the water. With the breach, came his panic and he started to struggle when her hands came to his shoulders, squeezing firmly. “Ratonhnhaké:ton, it’s okay. It was just a dream.” Her hands shifted from his shoulders to his cheeks and she turned his face to look into her eyes. “I’m right here. It’s okay. Darling, calm down.” Connor stared into her eyes and she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his, whispering, “ _Breathe with me_.” She slowly inhaled and he tried to follow her lead, choppy inhales, and exhales, and she offered a small smile. “ _That’s it. Just like that_.”

His arms came up, hands clasping around her wrist, fingers brushing the backs of her hands. “(Y/N),” he breathed.

She nodded against him, thumbs wiping under his eyes, frowning at the dampness. “You were calling my name in your sleep.” Shame crept up the back of his neck, but she added, “I’d gone downstairs because I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you…but when I heard you…I was scared that something had happened.”

Connor shook his head, murmuring, “It is not your fault. I am sorry for worrying you. It is nothing to worry about.”

(Y/N) frowned, pleading, “Don’t do that, Ratonhnhaké:ton.” He met her eyes and she said, “Don’t shut me out and tell me not to worry. You wake up like this so much.” She closed her eyes, begging, “Darling, let me help you. Let me try to help what’s hurting you.”

He wanted to shake his head, wanted to tell her he was okay, but the lump in his throat grew as the tears in his threatened to spill down his cheeks and he whimpered, “It is all so…so heavy.”

Her brows furrowed and she asked, “What is, darling?”

Connor swallowed thickly pushing through his emotion as he admitted, “ _Their memories_.” Before she could speak, he continued, “ _I see them every time I close my eyes, (Y/N). My mother, my father, Achilles, Kanen'tó:ko_.” One of his hands left her wrist and he raised it to his eyes, covering them as he cried, his lips wobbling with each heartbroken breath and word. “ _I dream about them all the time. Sometimes you are with them, but I cannot reach you. I try to but I cannot. I—_ ”

(Y/N) reached up, pulling his hand away from his face. “Ratonhnhaké:ton, look at me.” He did so, albeit through his tears and she pressed his hand to her chest. “Do you feel that?” Her heart thrummed beneath her chest, a calm pulsing he could feel, and she expressed, “ _I am alive. I am here. And I will never leave your side_. Do you understand that?” Connor nodded. “The events that have formed your life, all you’ve lost, all you’ve had to do, _it’s nothing short of cruel and heartbreaking_.” She squeezed his hand. “ _But you have gained in that loss, Ratonhnhaké:ton, and you can’t keep letting what happened eat at you. Darling, it’ll eat until there’s nothing left_.”

He met her gaze, begging, “I need your help.”

(Y/N) shifted her hand, gently pushing some of his hair behind his ear. “Ratonhnhaké:ton, I want you to know something.” He looked at her and she vowed, “ _When you can no longer carry your burdens because they’re too heavy, tell me. I will carry them for you_.” He opened his mouth, but she wouldn’t let him interrupt her. “ _I love you, and my duty to you is to carry you when the weight becomes more than you can bear_.” (Y/N) felt tears gather in her own eyes and she whispered, “ _I wish you could see yourself through my eyes darling…you are so strong…so loving…so brave_.” Connor shifted and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his chest, holding on for dear life. “Ratonhnhaké:ton—”

He buried his face in her shoulder, crying, “ _Konnorónhkwa_.”

She felt a sad smile tug her lips, and she brought her arms up, cradling his head, fingers gently combing through his hair. “ _I love you so much_.”

**Yes, his heart was heavy. And many times, there were no special words to describe the bearing weight other than heavy. But he shared his heart with her, and when he placed his burdens at her feet, asked for her help, and let her help carry them when he no longer could, he found he didn’t leave their bed in the middle of the night anymore. Their faces eased from his dreams, replacing bad memories with good ones. But most importantly, she stopped joining them. For she was alive. She was there. And she was his.**


End file.
